The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.

-Helen Keller

 

Pondering one of life’s big questions, I polled among friends, asking What makes a great life? While waiting for answers to return, I read a Harvard research paper that followed hundreds of men over a lifetime. Granted, they only interviewed men, so if it were gender-biased, I wonder if the answers would have been different if it had been inclusive, none the less it resulted in 3 key elements they discovered that make up a good life.

The results concluded that “a glimpse of any one moment in a life can be deeply misleading. To answer the question of what makes a great life, it’s essential to look at the whole picture”.

Success is seen from a broad perspective of an entire life, not from any particular moment or achievement. The primary lesson is to think long-term and make decisions with that perspective in mind. What will matter in 5 or 10 years? When you make decisions based on short-term criteria, the tides of life can change quickly. The key is developing your long-term thinking ability and connecting your daily choices with an overarching purpose and vision. When you actively consider what success looks like in your life with a long-term perspective, you are more likely to be successful over the long haul.

Emotional intelligence is vital:  Altruism – A commitment to others’ wellbeing, which is the skill of increasing empathy. Anticipation – Creating a sense of a positive outcome, which is exercising optimism. Suppression – A conscious decision to postpone an impulse or decision, applying consequential thinking and, to an extent, recognizing patterns. Sublimation – Finding outlets and expressions for feelings that promote growth and good choices, navigating emotions, and pursuing noble goals. Humor – Acquired through self-awareness.

These skills not only separated the successful from the less successful but changed throughout the participants’ lives. Many developed healthy “adaptations” after acting out unhealthy ones for decades. This aligns with growing evidence that emotional intelligence skills can be learned at any age. 

Relationships, relationships, and relationships: Nobody cared about empathy or attachment when the study began. But the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships. Close relationships are what keep people happy throughout their lives. The study found strong relationships far and away, the strongest predictor of life satisfaction, and better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, wealth, fame, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among all participants.

What Makes a Great Life?

My data collection was unscientific nor controlled. I asked friends and family who responded via text, not research conducted over a lifetime. However, it is gender-inclusive, and the responses are surprisingly within the critical elements of the Harvard study.

Here are my findings:

  • Kindness. Accepting that nothing happens to me, it is always happening. ‘ To remember that I am a soul, and through life lessons, I am here to reflect this. And also, a lake to jump in or a tree to hug… makes a great life.
  • Giving to others.
  •  A great life is when you learn about yourself, trust your innate knowledge, and follow your hearts’ delight.
  • Acceptance with joy. Acceptance is avoidable, but joy is our choice.
  • Love and the understanding that life is a roller coaster ride of your design, so enjoy the process.
  • Love (loving yourself and loving others), community (maybe family / a feeling of belonging), a sense of purpose (finding your strengths and exploring your interests), good health, and luck.
  • A great life consists of friends you love and admire and who feel the same about you.
    A key element is the love and acceptance of family.
    A great life is one where you have both food and housing security.
  • I believe love makes life great, being loved and giving love. It sounds corny, but it’s the best! Also, sex, dancing, food, psychedelic drugs, mezcal, fun friends, and being in nature.
  • Having overall tranquility and knowing all will be ok.
  • Purpose, pleasure, and peace of mind.
  • It’s the ability to appreciate and be in the moment and to have gratitude and perspective as we navigate our journey. And to be surrounded by people who focus on giving the best of themselves, who are resourceful, courageous, and caring (especially when they share their insights) so that we are consistently inspired.
  • Love, friends, variety, travel, nostalgia, and nature.
  • It is being able to love yourself and spread the love around you. Enjoy every single moment. And it is appreciating the little things.
  • Mental and physical health.
  • A competent and passionate life with meaning and purpose, enjoyable caring relationships that challenge and love us rather than those that take from us. Happiness is the outgrowth of the above, not the primary goal.
  • Pure love, honesty, tennis, and working out.
  • Health. Health. Health. And a happy home and good friends.
  • Being able to be around animals!!! Because people are too complicated.
  • The unconditional love of friends and family, someone to stand by you in good and evil, knowing we all face ups and downs. Love never fails.
  • Friendship – to laugh – to give and receive love.
  • It is being present, kind, grateful, and stepping forward with the authentic self.
  • Family and friends are part of a great life. It is being able to do what you love. Enjoy what you have and maintain a positive outlook in life.
  •  Friendships. Having the time and wisdom to see the beauty around you and inside of you and accept it and enjoy it. And it is way easier to say it than to do it.
  • I am in good health, financially stable, and happy to have a good relationship with my children and brother/wife. Of course, grateful we are not suffering like Ukrainians nor in War.
  • Human connection, friendship, family, and knowledge.
  • I am staying in touch with simple life beauties – music, friendship/love, forgiveness, good food, and appreciation of what I have.
  • Let me have coffee. Coffee makes a great life.
  • Contentment, reasonably good health, stress-free living, enough sleep & nourishment – both for body and soul.
  • This question is too easy for me. I’m a parent. It’s all in my kids. They’re good productive solid citizens who respect humans from all walks of life and all nationalities. More than I could ever want as my children.
    Makes me feel good about myself too.
  • It’s a compilation of moments in which we feel most alive. It can be firsts – like the first time we try something new, lasts – like the last time we saw someone, and all those moments in between that capture deep emotions – laughter, sadness, and the growth we go through in the journey.
  • Living your passions. Peaceful heart. Love.

As I read the responses from my friends and family, I was warmed by the love, compassion, and humor they expressed. Remembering to live our lives with a broad perspective of the long haul may assist us in letting go of that which we cannot control, thereby aiding us to travel down the path of happiness, love, and balance. Then, we will smile when looking back upon our life, knowing it was indeed excellent.

My list was not at concise as the answers from my friends. Having passions that fuel my soul rose to the top, along with the courage to fail and rise back up repeatedly. Yet as I expanded my views, I understood that the backbone of it all was something else. It was less about accomplishments for the ego but the contentedness that arises from being in the moment. And then again, I dove deeper; this was the crux of a great life for me:

If each day I show kindness to all beings and forgive those who do not, learn from every experience, be an example of the highest good I strive to be, and laugh easily, I know I am spreading love, and for me this is a great life.

~Charisse Glenn