I complain; who doesn’t? Everyone I know does, some more than others.

Complaining has become a habit and a norm of society. It’s how we connect and communicate. We complain about the weather, the traffic, or the service at the restaurant. We complain about politics, the cost of everything, or about each other. There is always a grievance.

And we like it.  Especially when there is a group of similar complainers, we can really get into it.

While at the moment it may feel good, ultimately it doesn’t. When around those that complain habitually, it can make us uncomfortable, tired, and anxious.

Ironically, as a society obsessed with health, we chronically engage in this unhealthy activity. If complaining added extra weight or was carcinogenic, we would modify this behavior. However, since the ill effects seem hidden, there is less awareness.

According to Stanford University research, the hippocampus, one of the primary areas in the brain destroyed by Alzheimer’s, shrinks with chronic complaining.

When we engage in this behavior, the stress hormone cortisol is released by our bodies. Its function is to shift us into the fight or flight mode, directing everything necessary in our systems to turn on for immediate survival. Repeatedly triggering of cortisol contributes to high blood pressure, raises our blood sugar levels, can also impair our immune systems making us susceptible to many other diseases. It also contributes to strokes. If that isn’t enough to scare you, it gets worse.

Humans have a brain function called neuronal mirroring. It is what allows us to feel empathy. The downside of it is, being around complainers is a lot like being around smokers. If you don’t do it, you can still be affected by second-hand smoke. So the recipients of the complaining get to hear the complaints and receive the ill health effects that complaining has on our bodies—a lose-lose situation.

The brain is incredibly efficient; it creates pathways for the neurons to flow more efficiently when we repeat a behavior.  The brain actually rewires itself to make future complaining easier. It becomes the default behavior and the way we are perceived.

To modify ones’ complaining falls into the same category as breaking a habit; it takes fortitude and mindfulness. Some say it takes 21 days; others say it takes 40. I say it takes as long as it takes.

The first step is to become mindful.

There is a choice: 1) to complain, 2) to stop complaining, 3) to be or not to be around complainers.

Learn to take a deep breath before we speak. A pause will slow down the diatribe of complaints before they pour from our lips.

Find the positive in a situation or having gratitude can help adjust how we feel. Research has found that the cortisol levels lower an astounding 23% in those that find gratitude and happiness in their daily lives.

Like erasing a mistake on a chalkboard, replacing the negative with a positive, even after the fact, is a great way to change our brain function. It leaves the correct thought imprinted.

If we are around complainers, we can redirect the conversation; ask the complainer what the solution could be. This may be met with a big huff and indignation, or it could help the complainer find an alternative way of being.

As we would for any unsavory activity we do not want to be involved with, we can distance ourselves from the situation. If we can not leave the complainer’s company, we can at last shield ourselves by adopting an attitude of ‘in one ear, out the other,’ let what they say ‘roll off our backs, and not taking anything said personally.

Sure it feels good to vent sometimes. If the sometimes becomes less and the mindfulness becomes more, we will be on our way to a happier and healthier life. We can make it hard, or we can make it easy; the choice is ours. Sometimes all it takes is an attitude adjustment. Finding joy in each mindful step is the way of the let go.

I challenge you to take the next 24 hours to be mindful of when you complain, shifting from grievance to gratitude.

When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.

~Eckhart Tolle