Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free

~Robert Tew

We say we want it all, yet we can be our worst enemies. We stand in our way and then wonder why we have not attained what we desire. Knowingly or not, we become accustomed to our self-sabotaging, living the life we have created, not the life we want.

As a casting director, I repeatedly watch many actors step in the way of their success. In a highly competitive industry where just getting an audition is beating the odds, they come to the audition ill-prepared, running late, or distracted. Then, thinking they can wing it, they enter the audition in a compromised state, diminishing the chance of doing well. Afterward, they may leave the downtrodden or explain to me why they were caught off guard.

While life is full of unexpected twists and turns, how we handle them indicates our personal growth. Taking responsibility for our actions is a sign that transformation is indeed happening.

Transformation is not an easy path. It takes desire, diligence, and self-awareness to grow and change.

We often unintentionally lie to ourselves. We say we want something or to accomplish something, yet there is a niggling feeling that prevents us from going for it. Somewhere, something is holding us back from taking the necessary steps to achieving our goals. In our hearts, we know we are the obstacle.

5 Ways to Sidestep Self-Sabotage:

1. Change Thought Patterns: Habitual thoughts can hold us back from achieving our desired success. Underlying feelings of “I am not good enough, I am a fraud, I am not deserving, I shouldn’t, or I couldn’t” are the patterns that are best to be altered. Modifying our inner critic to help rather than to hinder is a start. Become aware when our thoughts are negative self-talk and replace those thoughts with ones that move us closer to our goals. I am enough, I am worthy, I am deserving, I am accomplished, I can do this.

2. Fear can stop us dead in our tracks. Although healthy fear is necessary, fear of driving too fast or, perhaps, fear of a tsunami, fear of failure will stop us before we can even give it a go. Acknowledge the worst that can happen; we fail. So what? Failure is not a bad word. Rethink what failure is. Without our failures, we could never have succeeded. The greatest inventions in the world started with a series of failures and someone who would not give up. Pick yourself up and jump back in. Over and over if necessary. Only by falling and starting again can any success occur.

3. Comparisons are futile. Stop comparing yourself to others. An apple is not an orange. The journey of another has no bearing on our own. If needed, put blinders on to stop you from looking at someone else’s progress. Stop scrolling on social media. Stop seeing the success of another as competition for you rather than as inspiration for where you want to be. Remember, you do not know the obstacles another has overcome to arrive at the success they now have.

4. The company we keep says much about who we are. It can excel in our transformation or instead be an anchor to the past. To stay motivated in self-growth, being around others on the path of personal growth is helpful. They can remind us when we forget where we are heading and guide us back to self-awareness. Find a mentor who inspires you. Then, aspire to be as good or better than them. A great teacher will wish for you to supersede them.

5. Excuses are a by-product of our fears and habitual thought patterns of less. However, the power of thought is enough to change behavior. We take steps toward growth when we catch our excuses before leaving our mouths. Think before we speak. Quiet the negative self-talk before it reaches our lips. The more frequently we stop it before it is vocalized, the sooner the thoughts change.

Letting go of what holds us back can be complicated, elusive, and frightening. Yet, to become who we want to be, we must Let Go of who we once were. Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone to become more?

Make Failure Your Fuel

~ Abby Wambach