The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

~ William Arthur Ward

I complain; who doesn’t? Everyone I know does, some more than others. Complaining has become a habit and a norm of society. It’s how we connect and communicate. We complain about the weather, the traffic, or whatever perceived injustice we had to endure. We complain about politics, the cost of everything, or each other. There is always a grievance.

We like it. We can get into it, and if it is with a group of similar complainers, that would be even better.

While it may feel good at the moment, it doesn’t. Being around people who complain habitually can make us uncomfortable, tired, and anxious.

Ironically, as a society obsessed with health, we chronically engage in this unhealthy activity. We might modify this behavior if complaining added extra weight or was carcinogenic. However, since the ill effects seem negligible, there is less awareness.

However, according to Stanford University research, the hippocampus, one of the primary areas in the brain destroyed by Alzheimer’s, shrinks with chronic complaining.

When we engage in this behavior, our bodies release the stress hormone cortisol. This hormone shifts us into fight-or-flight mode, directing everything necessary in our systems to turn on for immediate survival. Repeatedly triggering cortisol contributes to high blood pressure, raises blood sugar levels, and can impair our immune systems, making us susceptible to many other diseases. It also contributes to strokes. If that isn’t enough to scare you, it gets worse.

Humans have a brain function called neuronal mirroring, which allows us to feel empathy. However, the downside is that being around complainers is much like being around smokers. Even if you don’t do it, you can still be affected by secondhand smoke. So, the complaining recipients get to hear the complaints and experience the ill health effects of complaining on our bodies—a lose-lose situation.

The brain is incredibly efficient. When we repeat a behavior, it creates pathways for the neurons to flow more efficiently. The brain rewires itself to make future complaining easier. Complaining becomes the default behavior and the way we are perceived.

Modifying one’s complaining is like breaking a habit; it takes fortitude and mindfulness. Some say it takes 21 days, others 40. I say it takes as long as it takes.

The first step is to become mindful.

There is a choice: 1) to complain, 2) to stop complaining, 3) to be or not to be around complainers.

Learn to take a deep breath before we speak. A pause will slow down the diatribe of complaints before they pour from our lips.

Finding the positive in a situation or being grateful can help us adjust our feelings. Those who experience gratitude and happiness daily have lower cortisol levels.

Like erasing a mistake on a chalkboard, replacing the negative with a positive, even after the fact, is a great way to change our brain function. It leaves the correct thought imprinted.

If we encounter complainers, we can redirect the conversation and ask them for a solution. This may be met with a big huff and indignation, or it could help the complainer find an alternative way of being.

As we would for any unsavory activity we do not want to be involved with, we can distance ourselves from the situation. If we can not leave the complainer’s company, we can at least shield ourselves by adopting an attitude of ‘in one ear, out the other,’ letting what they say ‘roll off our backs and not taking anything said personally.

Sure, it feels good to vent sometimes. If the sometimes becomes less and the mindfulness becomes more, we will be on our way to a happier and healthier life. We can make it hard, or we can make it easy; the choice is ours. Sometimes, all it takes is an attitude adjustment. Finding joy in each mindful step is the way to let go.

I challenge you to take the next 24 hours to be mindful of when you complain, shifting from grievance to gratitude.

When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.

~Eckhart Tolle