What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how its suppose to be. ~Anonymous
It took me years to grasp the concept of ‘No expectations, No disappointments.’ Aren’t expectations a good thing? Doesn’t the fulfillment of expectations make us happy? Expectations are everywhere. Parents frequently pin their dreams upon their children, expecting them to be something, perhaps more than they were.
Teachers set the bar high, expecting us to reach it. We set expectations for ourselves and our friends to be a certain way or do certain things. Sometimes, our expectations are realistic, and sometimes, they are not.
And when they are not, we become disappointed when the expectation is broken. What we believed to be real has now proven to be wrong.
An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen; the idea that someone will or should achieve something is a belief that something is true and accurate.
Expecting something to happen is not in itself incorrect. However, it can be just wishful thinking without taking the steps towards fulfilling the outcome.
My car started because I took care of its mechanical needs. I have a reasonable expectation that it will run well. If I had not taken steps to fulfill the expectation, I would have been hoping with my fingers crossed each time I turned the key.
Even if we take steps towards fulfilling an expectation, the changing circumstances can alter the outcome. Often, those are out of our control.
I have worked diligently to train my dog. I have a solid expectation she will obey a command. However, her thoughts may, on occasion, override my commands. A rabbit crosses her path, and while 99% of the time she will come, even with a rabbit hopping by, something can change in her brain. For 1% of the time, she ignores me. Or she becomes temporarily deaf. Do I feel disappointed when she ignores my command? Yes, of course, for a split second, until my brain understands that my expectation of her to be perfect 100% of the time, 24/7, is unrealistic.
No expectations and no disappointments are not about expecting things. It is about finding flexibility within what we believe to be proper when circumstances change. Disappointments occur when we label our expectations as unchangeable.
My disappointments lessened once I understood that my expectations were only beliefs and not written in stone. Becoming flexible when the course alters allows me to be less reactive when things do not go as planned.
Outcomes change when circumstances change. So, the key is remaining flexible in the face of shattered expectations
Occasionally, I still find myself caught up in the world of expectations. When disappointments surface, I remind myself that I have no control over others’ actions, just my response.
Then I Let Go of what I thought would be and step into the now of what is.
Expectations are not failsafe. Be Flexible. You’ll be ok.
Expecting is my favorite crime and disappointment is always my punishment.
~Connie the Seattle Blogger
