“The Widening Gap Between Our Fanciful Expectations and The Bitter Reality of This World Is What We Often Unknowingly Refer To, As Stress or Depression”.”
― Venugopal Acharya

In Endurance, the sport I compete in with horses, there is an understanding that horses can only carry 20-25% of their body weight. This is inclusive of the rider and their tack.

Although all are not in agreement with the exact percentages, there is a consensus that weight does matter.  As much of an advocate as I am about this, I realized that the elephant in the room was not only the physical weight a horse has to carry. The heftiest weight our horses carry is that of our expectations and ambitions. Horses are empathic beings, and they feel the deepest recesses of who we are, so when we have our expectations, they brace themselves, working to understand what is called for from them.

As with much of what I learn from my horses, I reflected upon this in my personal life.

The weight of what we carry increases as we add to the expectations and ambition; regret, resentment, jealousy, envy, hatred, anger, and judgment to this list.

Although physical weight loss is a multi-billion dollar business, it is tailored to the physical body, trimming the physique. Yet, emotional weight may be the heaviest and most challenging to lose.

What would happen if we worked from the inside out? First, we would discover that physical weight decreases with ease and permanence by eliminating the emotional response with the added benefit of peace of mind, happiness, and balance.

Expectations weigh in at the top of the list.

Expectations are not wrong in and of themselves until we place too much importance on them, and then when they are not reached, we allow the disappointment to crush us.

We are not in this world to live up to anyone else’s expectations, and they are not in this world to live up to ours. Yet, even though we don’t want people to have expectations of us and knowing that others’ expectations do not define who we are, many still have them of everybody else.

The biggest issue with expectations is that they focus our attention on something that doesn’t exist; this is seen when we idolize someone or place them on a pedestal. It will most likely lead to dissatisfaction. It is also evidenced by unrealistic expectations associated with a false sense of security in something we can achieve.

We expect people to be a certain way, then become disappointed when they are not. Then we blame them for being the way they are. So the cause of our unhappiness is the expectations that we have created in our reality to complete a false idea of the picture we wanted.

Miguel Ruiz of The Four Agreements says it best; You cannot change other people. You love them the way they are, or you don’t. You accept them the way they are, or you don’t. So to try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat or a cat for a horse.

Our happiness grows with acceptance of what is and is decreased by our expectations, so when expectations are aligned with reality, disappointment will cease. However, fulfillment of expectations cannot bring us happiness. Instead, we can learn to live in the moment with achievable goals.

There are many benefits of letting go of expectations. Whether freeing ourselves from the expectations of others or those that are self-imposed, it decreases stress and gives us the power of self-esteem, self-reliance, and confidence. In addition, living in the moment and being content with what it is now allows for gratitude and abundance to shower our lives.

As with all changes, the journey begins within. We are taught to live in a world of expectations and place them upon ourselves and others.

Yet those who conditioned us never understood the value of not doing so. And even though we had little to do with creating these beliefs, we accepted them as the truth.

It takes great desire and courage to challenge and change our taught beliefs.  Yet,  it is the path to growing, becoming more self-aware, and self-actualizing. Question those things that no longer resonate in your more evolved lives, and don’t be afraid to let go of behaviors, beliefs, or situations that no longer serve the highest good. This is a beginning point.

It doesn’t matter what you expected, but you must accept what reality offers to you at the end.
― Mwanandeke Kindembo