Embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you’re not failing, you’re probably not really moving forward.

~John C. Maxwell

When we have moved through our fear of starting and are no longer intimated by the risks that may be present, we are well on our way to accomplishing a goal.

However, success is not always guaranteed, even if all the pieces seemingly fall into place. Failure can still happen. Sometimes, a simple defeat is enough to stop someone in their tracks, giving up and reverting to old behaviors of fear.

Failure will not define us; how we respond to it will.

When we fail at something, it can bring up many unproductive thoughts. Feelings of unworthiness, helplessness, shame, and pain may arise. All reactions are natural, yet we can alter how we manage them to optimize their effect on us.

Failing at anything is not shameful, nor is it a negative. The average successful business had 3-4 attempts before success. From Walt Disney to Steve Jobs, we have heard many blockbuster success stories about failing and never giving up. So, what is the difference between those who fall down a time or two and then walk away forever and those who never stop?

A winner is just a loser who gave it one more go.

We would all be great if greatness were easily attained, just as success is there for those who persist. So, how do we pick ourselves up when we fail?

As a teenager, my mother rarely told me what to do. We would discuss my choices and options and then discuss the possible results from each. With the pros and cons, I would make a calculated decision based on the likely outcome. Sometimes, I made a good choice; other times, I did not. When I did not, the consequences could have appeared as a failure, yet my mother never labeled it as such. We looked at what happened, and then I made another choice. Failure was never marked a negative, only a platform to learn from.

This communication between my mother and I allowed me to accept that we won’t always make the best decisions and that it was ok to screw up. We were on the right track as long as the takeaway was a lesson understood.

Therefore, my number one action to implement when we fall, and shame and self-doubt flow in is to revise our thoughts about failure and change how we perceive it.

If we look at failure as a gift to propel us to another level of thinking, the shame of it should dissipate. Self-doubt will be replaced with more head scratching and motivation to figure out what went wrong and how to not fall into the same pattern next time.

When friends, family, and colleagues comment on the lack of success, alter the conversation to what lessons were taken away and refuse to allow their dialog to cloud your perception of the situation.

As long as you don’t walk around with your head hanging low, there is no impetus for anyone to make you feel less because of their ideas of lack of success. Remember, no one can understand the value you gained from the situation.

When we let go of the need to justify, we disarm anyone who wants to chastise us. It also eliminates the need to rationalize outside circumstances that may have contributed to the outcome.

Let go of negative self-talk. Irrational thoughts or beliefs about failure are learned responses that can be altered with a shift in mindset. This leads to reframing your ideas about failure, which could start with acknowledging how great you feel about yourself because you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. The lessons learned are invaluable and may not have presented themselves otherwise.

Accepting our responsibility when something doesn’t work out lessens the need to criticize ourselves. Don’t make excuses; instead, identify those reasons and vow to make the adjustments next time.

Risk is a part of living. To attempt anything daring, we must put aside our fear of failing and instead focus on the ultimate success. Not risking only hinders our growth. Ironically, success may never happen without fail, and usually, many times. There is also a greater possibility that those who fail are not defeated; they quit.

Are you willing to keep your head held high when you get knocked down, and will you follow the horse rider’s creed: If you get bucked off, get right back on?

 Failure is not the opposite of success, it is a stepping stone to success.

~Michael Jordan