Communicating is a two-way street; otherwise, it is just talking out loud.

Communication is about transferring information.  So, when I recently saw a post that said, “I suffer from a disorder when I speak the truth, it pisses people off.”  This caused me to pause then reread it several times.

The person writing it missed a crucial element in communication. Being confrontational rarely leads to the desired outcome and communication; if that was the goal, happens when one speaks in a way that is heard.

From the commentary on the post, the desire to speak the truth overshadowed their willingness to communicate. They did not seem to care if their truth was being heard but rather the desire to speak may have been the impetus for their talking; not to impart information. Unfortunately, sometimes people like to talk just for the sake of hearing themselves spouting their opinions without engaging in conversation.

Many factors contribute to why some communicate more effectively than others.

As a casting director, when directing an actor, it is imperative to speak to them in a way they understand, and generally, for commercials, we have very little time to accomplish this. Each person is different, and yet similarities exist. The key is to find a commonality.

Articulating the scene’s needs with a wide variety of people and personalities is crucial to the outcome of the audition.

Knowing something personal that interests the person I am speaking with can help by drawing upon that knowledge, mostly though I use universal situations most can relate to.

” You know the feeling when you are stuck in traffic, and you are running late for an important meeting? That’s how this character feels right now”. Instantly anyone who has driven in traffic or has been late can relate. Mission accomplished. I communicated what I needed to. It is up to the actor to integrate that direction into his action for the scene.

Life is like acting. We are given direction, and it is up to us to put it into action.

Communication is key to every encounter in life. So why are some people better at it than others? Most of us have experienced a teacher or coach that was very effective or listened to a speaker that moved us.

Without an audience to speak with whether it is one or many, we are just reciting words. The good news, to become a more effective communicator is a skill that can be learned. It begins with the desire to be heard, having clarity with what we wish to say, and then speaking in a voice and manner that is understood.

How is this accomplished?

1. Listen. This can be accomplished by asking questions and hearing the feedback. If we question our audience or whomever we are speaking with, we can confirm our message has been communicated.

2. Get Personal: Find a common denominator. This is not about going deep and profound. It is about understanding how the conversation can impact the person/persons we speak with. How does what we are saying benefit in some way their lives, their company, or their ability to get a task accomplished?

3. Simplify. Cut to the chase—simple, concise messages. Use fewer words to convey the broader message. Have respect for others’ time and attention levels. Less is more.

4. Timing is everything. If we offer a service to someone who does not require our assistance or offer instruction to someone who already knows it all, our service will fall on deaf ears. On the other hand, if it pertains to whom we are speaking to, or they are in a receptive mindset, then voila.

5. Repeat. Find a way to change the words to say the same thing; find an analogy. If it looks like your audience is not understanding, look for another angle to approach it.

To be effectively understood begins with letting go of the idea that verbalizing our truth at all costs is more critical than actually communicating.

If we ask ourselves what the motivation for the communication is, rather than speaking for the heck of speaking, and if we talk in a manner that will be heard, then  Blah Blah Blah will not be what goes in one ear and out the other. Instead, the essence of your truth will be heard, and communication will be accomplished.

Opinions are many. We hear things we do not agree with. Communication is not about convincing others of another point of view, although that may be the result if the one conveying the message is conscious, kind, and interested in communication, they will find a way to do it in a manner that can be heard.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

~ Dalai Lama